The symbol of our nation, the Bald Eagle, is considering stepping down from its post as our nation's mascot.
"Look, that's us on the Presidential seal, the Vice President's seal, State...we're on money and shit. Frankly I don't want to be associated with this wingnut fucking bullshit," said a bald eagle spokesbird this morning.
When asked for suggestions as to what species of animal would take over the bird replied, "Weasels are suck ups, they might do it. But if you're going to stick with the bird idiom I'd go with the turkey vulture, or the shitbird."
The Turkey Vulture. If it reeks, and it's dead, the turkey vulture will eat it.
The Shitbird is not worried about personal hygiene, or keeping up appearances.
When asked what the American bald eagle population had in mind for retirement the Bald Eagle Spokesbird told us, "We're keeping our options open. We've talked about moving lock stock and barrel to The Villages..."
SNN: "America's friendliest hometown?"
BESB: "The same. But if Biden is getting drunk singing the jingle then there's a pretty high rate of probability he will end up there. We're trying to disassociate from these assholes. I hear Boca is nice. We've also gotten an invitation from the Philadelphia Eagles to take up residence in and around Lincoln Financial Field to help control the R.O.U.S. population. We're not making any commitments right now, just assessing our possibilities."