ALL THE NEWS I DECIDE TO MAKE UP

SINCE THE PAMPERS NEWS NETWORKS HAVE DEDICATED THEMSELVES TO MAKING UP AN ALTERNATE REALITY TO SHIELD THEIR CHOSEN ONE FROM SCRUTINY AND CRITICISM, I HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW THEIR LEAD, CREATING MY OWN NEWS NETWORK. I CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL. I CONTROL THE VERTICAL. I AM THE LIZARD KING! I CAN DO ANYTHING!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Israel's Secret Weapon Revealed

In a much anticipated unveiling, Israel revealed its newest weapon in its unending war to conquer the known universe: Axes of Evil. Not to be confused with the band of angels of evil referenced in the Haggadah, the book containing the ceremony of the Passover seder, the Axes of Evil are, in the words of IDF spokesman, Rosh Caruv, "very nasty and extra evil," and are specially designed for committing war crimes like J-walking. He then broke into a jocular rendition of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song and proceeded to cut off his own legs.

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Defense Minister Ehud Barak expressed disappointment. "I was hoping for a band of angels of evil."

3 comments:

swanspirit said...

I dated a guy named "Axe Nasty " once.
Ok he was a guitar player. It was still stupid .

roofingbird said...

All Hail to the Lizard King!

petunia politik said...

Axe moron? (Sound of long "e")
You've got the soul of a saint, Shtuey, and the mind of a Jewish Ricky Gervais.I adore you.

About Me

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I went blind for 36 hours in the spring of 1973 while suffering from pneumonia. In my expert medical opinion I was suffering from an acute case of hysterical blindness caused by having to watch the Watergate hearings with my mom, who was also shvach with the pneumonia. As a result, I am now physiologically incapable of being bamboozled by politicians, reporters, commentators, partisans, artisans, charlatans, caravans, old sedans, chicks with tans, or guys named Stan. I am a satirist, rabid feminomacho equalitist, Israel and HaShem loving Jew, sarcastinator, historialogist, musicologist, pain in the ass, and thorn in your side. Animals are people. Two legs good, four legs awesome. אני מאמין באמונה שלמה