Pampers' Preferred Replacement Revealed

SNN sources in the Chicago FBI field office tell us tonight that wiretaps have revealed Pampers' preferred choice in Blago's pay to play Senate Scheme.  It is none other than Mushmouth from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

The following is a transcript from a portion of the recordings:

Pampers: "And...uh...if...you're...a... ever...um...asked to a...testify...no one will understand a thing you're...uh... saying."

Mushmouth: "Obakaybee Obabama."

Pampers was reportedly offering to pay for a new toupee for Blag made by House of Muskrat.

Add Mushmouth to the ever growing list of victims under the Pampers bus.

SNN Exclusive: Corruption Charges the Least of Blago's Problems

The blogosphere is erupting in tumult over yesterday's arrest of Governor Blago the Inhaler on corruption charges. But the real story is one of murder, taxadermy, and hair.

According to anonymous SNN sources, FBI investigators have uncovered a mass grave on the grounds of the Governor's home containing hundreds of what appear to be the mumified remains of skunks and badgers. Most are well decomposed, but there were some that seem to be recently buried, showing signs that they were skinned.

"The mumification process used was crude at best, and clearly done in haste," said Egyptologist Frymea Fallafel. "It may be that the Governor is a worshipper or Ra or Osiris. If what we see here is evidence of the quality of his mumification skills, it's no wonder that the gods have turned against him. This is just sloppy."

"One need only look at the Governor's hair to realize that these hair weaves of his are derived from the rodent family," said hair expert Vital Spatoon. "It's a shanda."

As yet, there has been no comment from the animal rights industry, but a number of gangs of wolverines and badgers have been seen thumbing for rides, holding signs bearing the legend, "Illinois or bust."

In an SSN phone interview conducted this morning, noted fire safety mascot Smokey the Bear told us, "If there is any justice, the Governor will wake up in jail with an angry wolverine in his pants."

Ouch!

Hide Your Children!!!

Our sources have confirmed that Joe Biden has officially girded his loins.  Quite frankly I can't think of a more disgusting thought.  Well, with that out of the way there's only one thing left for a guy who's about to assume an office with no constitutional powers, other than breaking ties in the Senate, and sitting around waiting for the President to become incapacitated, resign, or be found ineligible to serve, to do: get drunk and dance!