ALL THE NEWS I DECIDE TO MAKE UP

SINCE THE PAMPERS NEWS NETWORKS HAVE DEDICATED THEMSELVES TO MAKING UP AN ALTERNATE REALITY TO SHIELD THEIR CHOSEN ONE FROM SCRUTINY AND CRITICISM, I HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW THEIR LEAD, CREATING MY OWN NEWS NETWORK. I CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL. I CONTROL THE VERTICAL. I AM THE LIZARD KING! I CAN DO ANYTHING!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

B'rack's Brain


President-elect and illogical Vulcan, Mr. B'rack had his brain stolen by a band of horny interplanetary space girlies.  Political Dr. Frankenstein, David Axelgoebels has volunteered to be B'rack's brain.  "I've been doing that for nearly twenty years so this isn't much of a stretch," Axelgoebels told SNN.

When asked what he would do first as B'rack's brain Axelgoebels replied, "Eradicate the production of tapioca pudding.  I hate it.  Anyone found making tapioca pudding will be destroyed.  Anyone who likes it will be sent to reeducation camps where they will learn to like banana pudding instead."

Pampers: making the world safe from tapioca!

Photo from The Weekly Standard.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, now I cannot eat my favorite pudding it seems.

maneesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

About Me

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I went blind for 36 hours in the spring of 1973 while suffering from pneumonia. In my expert medical opinion I was suffering from an acute case of hysterical blindness caused by having to watch the Watergate hearings with my mom, who was also shvach with the pneumonia. As a result, I am now physiologically incapable of being bamboozled by politicians, reporters, commentators, partisans, artisans, charlatans, caravans, old sedans, chicks with tans, or guys named Stan. I am a satirist, rabid feminomacho equalitist, Israel and HaShem loving Jew, sarcastinator, historialogist, musicologist, pain in the ass, and thorn in your side. Animals are people. Two legs good, four legs awesome. אני מאמין באמונה שלמה